hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She bit a glass in half.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
