Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
