I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
literally had 100 drinks last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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