I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
