ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
