I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
