I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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