in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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