I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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