she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
