I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
her vagine was all disorganized.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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