She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
