so explain again why im purple
no
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
