ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
