And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
