she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
