Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
