then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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