Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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