you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
