The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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