he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
