I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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