Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
