So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
