i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
