I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I will be naked everywhere
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
