So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
