So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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