it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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