I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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