I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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