Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
