girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
