It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
