We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
