I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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