god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
