Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
