I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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