i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
