She is in my trunk
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
