you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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