Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
