Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
