I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
