and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
