I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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