I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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