I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
