I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
